Zack Snyder's Justice League: Justice for the Justice League — TJ Kelly Rants

Admittedly I set a really low bar for this movie. The Whedon debacle version was absolute trash. I know Joss Whedon deserves the blame for it being utterly unwatchable, but I still figured the original was shit and that he just stuck his dick in it and fucked it up even more. Also, the DCEU has a track record of making terrible team-up movies. Suicide Squad is one of the biggest disasters I have sat through, Batman V Superman, was a laughable mess (Martha… enough said), mainly because they tried to do much and failed, and Birds of Prey was tough to sit through. The solo movies are actually damn good though Aquaman was a surprisingly good movie (thank you, James Wan), the Wonder Women films are slightly overrated but still good, and the last half of Man of Steel was excellent (the most realistic take on Superman fighting Zod). The DCEU doesn't have shit on the more consistent and better Marvel Movie Collection (really just wanted to fit a shameless plug-in here) but it does have its moments. So enough useless bullshit let's get down to the good and the bad of this movie.

"Get Out." Daniel Kaluuya was given the lead role on the spot after nailing his audition. Jordan Peele said Kaluuya did about five takes of a key scene, in which his character needs to cry, and each was so perfect that the single tear came down at the exact same time for each take.

The Good

The fight scenes: I will never knock Zack’s ability to create a fight scene. This dude just knows what the fuck he is doing when it comes to punching people in the face. The Wonder Women intro was great. The music choice was a little weird with the chanting music but once the theme song kicked in it was good. The Amazon fight scene is good. He is a much better version of Michael Bay (super original of me to rip on Bay) when it comes to explosions and fighting. The final battle here is excellent as well. This one didn’t feel like such a CGI shit fest like the other version did. It's a damn good scene. Surprise surprise Superman and Wonder Woman are the two badasses here. IF your dick didn’t get rock hard or your vagina didn’t get soaking wet when Superman said not impressed to Steppenwolf and then he layeth a smackdown on him that would have made The Rock proud, then you are broken as a person. If this was a theater experience everyone and their mother would have lost their mind.The Flash: I will be the first to admit that at times I wanted to punch him in his stupid over-talkative fucking mouth. I’d much rather the Grant Gustin’s version to this one but nothing I can do about it. However, Ezra does offer some life into this movie. While everyone else is all doom and fucking gloom here, he is the life of the movie. He is funny, emotional and brings life to everyone else. Bruce Wayne is way more human and emotional once the Flash gets involved. You could see the relief on Bruce’s face once the Flash agrees to join the team and puts up no fight. Superman Returns: His return scene was the only good thing in the Whedon shit fest, and it remains the best scene in this movie. Superman fucks everyone up here and it's perfect. Plus it is just so much better without that stupid CGI mouth that Whedon put on him in his version. This scene alone is a 10 out of 10.

"It." The Duffer Brothers originally wanted to direct the movie, but were overlooked as they were not "established" enough. They went on to create Stranger Things (2016), which co-stars Finn Wolfhard (Richie) and pays homage to Stephen King.

Superman: Henry Cavil is Superman. Period. End of story. He is perfection in this role. He looks the part and everything. Major props to Snyder for when he returns in the black Superman suit and hears his two dads giving him advice. Shit got me pumped up son. He inspires a sense of hope that sets him apart from others who have played the same role. It's either him or Chris Reeve to be the perfect man to play this part. —Cyborg's dad dying was a good scene. Fisher did a good job hitting the emotional moment.—Batdad to the rescue. He really loves to take in people with no dads and take them under his wings. I’d even guess he would kill a dad just to take the kid under his guidance. Cyborg’s dad couldn’t have been dead more than 3 seconds before PapaBat took over.—The relationship between Batman and Alfred is much better in this version I can't recall if it's Whedon’s version or Batman Vs Superman or both, but there was no chemistry between these two. Here they are much more joking and just a better relationship in general.

Scream Was Originally Titled Scary Movie. While the Wayans brothers’ spoof of Scream went with the not-so-subtle title of Scary Movie, they would have had to get a bit more creative if the movie they were sending up had stuck with its original title. Now-disgraced former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein, who produced the original, heard the Michael Jackson song “Scream” in his car and decided he liked that better than the title that the project had originally been given, and the name stuck.

The bad

So much slow motion: Man does Zack fucking love slow-motion effects, his obsession with this effect is something that is very evident in every other one of his movies. Just like all those movies though he goes way too overboard with it. It’s very apparent during the Wonder Women opening scene, just how much he loves it. The Same goes for when Aquaman saves the dude from the storm and then reemerges into the ocean. He really drags that slow-motion shit for a long time. The dude just wanted everyone to bask in the power of stripper Momoa. No fucking reason that the whole football scene needed to be slowed down either but here we are watching a 10-minute football scene that should have taken about a minute. There were numerous other times when I said alright enough fucking slow motion. Look when used correctly slow motion is a very effective technique too use and there are times here where it works so well. Do it too much though and the viewer will want to throw something at your TV (maybe I just have anger issues). Dear Zack moderation is key, not everything needs to be slowed down.

And Clownfish Vanished After Finding Nemo. Just as there was a run on pet rats, the population of clownfish in their natural habitats took a precipitous drop following the release of Finding Nemo, which stars a clownfish. Marine biologists reported that the numbers of the fish dropped by as much as 75 percent in the Australian reefs they inhabit.

Length: I think we are all in agreement that 4 hours is way too long. Here are ways to cut some time down. The whole song the ladies sing when Aquaman goes back into the ocean is super unnecessary. I don’t need to see and hear a couple of creepy Icelandic people sing a stupid song for 5 minutes. It takes way too long for Aquaman to get back into the ocean after saving the dude from the storm. I don’t care how sexy Jason Mamoa is I don’t need a 5-minute strip show of him going back into the ocean in the slow mow. J.K. Simmons may look like the perfect Commissioner Gordon, but there was no need for him here. Bam shaved 5 minutes off this movie. Maybe all the slow motions parts dragged this movie down as well. Anyways you get my point to shave your shit down and make this movie 3 hours or at most 3 hours and 30 minutes.Bad CGI: The Amazon fight scene looks bad once they crash the building. The background on it and when the head Amazon lady jumps on her horse is garbage. At times Steppenwolf looks like shit as well. The battle where Darkseid is introduced is CGI trash. The humans, Atlanteans, and Amazonians all look terrible as well when they are fighting, Darkseid doesn't look so great here either. Good fight but the bad CGI somewhat kills it. At no point does Cyborg look good in any of his scenes. —Batman seems useless here. He always seems to be about 10 minutes late for everything. Like he got stuck in traffic or valet was taking too long to get his car. When all the heroes confront Superman, Batman comes running up after everyone gets their ass kicked about 5 minutes late. Victor’s dad dies and everyone is there, 5 minutes later Batman shows up asking what he missed. He has no powers, and it shows in the tunnel fight when he needs Optmius Prime Jr to even help. —One mistake that will always haunt this movie is that Warner Bros rushed this thing. The one thing they should have done is followed the MCU’s blueprint and establish their charterers more. The Aquaman movie should have been released before this movie. All his dumb bullshit was already taken up in his solo film. There was no need for it in here. It should have been he was king of Atlantis and Steppenwolf kicks the shit out of him, and then he gets revenge or something. I was fine with them establishing the backstory of Cyborg and the Flash, but doing it with 3 characters is too much.—Fuck Aquaman in the final battle scene. His whole power is controlling water, so I call bullshit on him flying around everything else he did.

"Moulin Rouge!" The necklace worn by Nicole Kidman was made of real diamonds and platinum and was the most expensive piece of jewelry ever specifically made for a film. The Stefano Canturi necklace was made with 1,308 diamonds, weighing a total of 134 carats and was worth an estimated U.S. $1 million.

Overall this was a good movie. The two big issues are the length and the fact that Snyder uses the slow-motion effect way too much. I know that it's his forte but bro calm your tits down with doing it so much. I’m glad they didn’t shove the Joker down my throat like I thought they were going to based on the trailer. Although his brief appearance here is far superior to the shit sand-which I was forced to eat while watching Suicide Squad. Snyder did a good job setting up his vision for this universe. I’d be down for movies like this, lets just not make them 4 hours long. 8.4/10

When Charlie Chaplin received his honorary Oscar, he got a 12-minute standing ovation, the longest in Oscar history.